Bloody Sky+

For the second time now, we've lost all our Sky+ recordings. Do we get any compensation? Do we buggery.

The first time was soon after we took up the service. Our Sky+ box was unable to record a programme whilst watching another, and any attempt to record two programmes simultaneously resulted in one failing. It transpired that one of the aerial inputs was not connecting properly, and the technician sent to resolve the problem ended up snapping off the wire in the socket. This meant that we had to have a replacement Sky+ box - and transferring our recordings was not an option.

Just the other day, we returned home from an evening out. We settled down to watch a recorded programme - to be told that there were no recorded programmes. The day before there was only 4% left - so we knew this was wrong. It quickly became apparent that our Sky+ box was acting as if we had no Sky+ subscription - we couldn't record anything or set reminders. Having spent half an hour on their 087 support number I was told that the only course of action was to to a "full system reset" - wiping the hard drive.

Now I know that the copyright rules mean that you're only allowed to "temporarily" keep programme recordings - but the kids are devastated. All the recent Dr Who episodes have been lost. A number of files we'd wanted to watch have been lost. Lost has been lost. It turns out they're "upgrading" the Sky+ boxes for the new "Sky Anytime" service. Some improvement.

All this comes during the end-of-warrantee phase where they're shassling us (three letters, now) to take up some £100/year extended warrantee. We're seriously considering jacking in the whole Sky thing and going Freeview.

New Job

What's that sound? It's the sound of a cat being let out of a bag, that is. That being done, I can (finally) announce that I'm leaving CurrentJob^TM for NewJob^TM.

This is - I hope - a step in the right direction (away from disorganization and frustration; towards fun and reward). Certainly it is a step change for the better in job function, and I believe (watch this space) a step back towards a working environment I really loved.

Dog-House

My eldest daughter hates me, now - apparently.

It seems it's not every teenage girl's dream to be aired on YouTube. Despite what the popular meedja would have you believe. (MySpace is currently *the* communication medium of choice among her cohorts.)

I had originally tapped in a rant about inappropriate use of communications media here. In particular the choice of using email to warn the students at Virginia Tech that a gunman was on the loose. However, I feel it's better to pause for thought and reflect on the tragedy.

Static Shock

The kids have invented a new game this weekend. They haven't named it, so I'm calling it "Static Shock".

To play, you need a large trampoline with a man-made fibre mat and a warm day. The aim of the game is to give your opponent a static electric shock. The tramp mat gives the source of charge - but beware! while you're charging up, your opponent will be after you!

Enjoy:

Week away

.. in the sun. Revisiting old haunts and meeting up with friends we've not seen in a while.

I'm glad to say that I do not feel a desire to go back. I'm glad to say that I felt happy to be home again afterwards. In fact I was glad that I was glad. If that makes sense.

I guess we're still reassuring ourselves that we belong where we do, now. And we are reassured.

:^)

I aten't dead

.. just restin'.

When I say restin' .. I mean highly stressed working towards a release build of the latest version of our product.

I'm taking a much deserved rest, next week.

[Just thought you might like to know ;^) ]

Whose money?

It seems the government - not content with running our lives for us - want to put our money "to better use". All those pennies stashed away in account which we've forgotten about or choose to leave alone ... will soon be appropriated and redistributed.

.. isn't that embezzlement?

Spring has sprung. Official.

My senses tell me it's Spring. The season has changed.

Evidence the first:

Last night, on my way home from work: the first insect^† of the year. There on my visor. Splat!

Evidence the second:

My hips are aching today. Every year since I was a teen my hips ache when the season changes to spring or autumn. Sure-fire sign.

However ..

The grass has not, yet, riz. Our garden is still a quagmire.

Roll on summer ...

^† There would be a photo .. but I couldn't get the damn thing in focus. Pfff: amataeurs.

Not a free country, any more

I realised yesterday what turns me off British politics. What I mean is I realised what really bugs me about those interested in British politics.

There's a class of people who are interested in, knowledgeable about and who have influence over British politics. They are always up to date with the latest initiatives, acts and gossip. They expand on every detail - extrapolating the effects of every twitch.

What they seem to miss, however, is the bigger picture. Our government seem dead set on doing away with our every civil liberty. They almost abolished parliament, for goodness' sake! We will soon be - of we are not already - living in a police state. I am saddened to say that I no longer believe we can honestly say that we live in a free country any more.

Meanwhile, the politicos concern themselves with who will be the next deputy Prime Minster - as if none of this mattered.

I despair.

IT for the masses

Hear, hear! I came across this article on why "programmers can't program" these days. Strictly, it's about why interviewees can't program, mainly.

I, too, use simple tests - often as questions in a telephone interview .. but sometimes face-to-face. I figured they'd be viewed as archaic skills, and some of my colleagues have commented to that effect in the past. I believe, however, that programmers are more effective if they understand the machine they're programming. So: a sample of my simple questions:

1. What is significant about the number 255?


2. How does a computer store a floating-point number?


3. Using a bitwise boolean operation, what is 6 & 3?


4. How are parameters typically passed in to a function call?


5. Describe the implementation of a linked list


6. What is recursion?


7. What is the stack; what is the heap; and how to they differ?


8. What is packing or alignment in data structures?


9. What is an atomic operation? Describe a typical use of one

I found that 8/10 candidates comprehensively fail to demonstrate an understanding at this level - and that none ever answered all correctly.

So why can this be? Schooling.

When I were a lad .. our school bought a Commodore PET. I imagine they felt the new technology might benefit in some educational way - but I reckon they didn't know what to do with it. So they gave it to the head of maths. I guess they figured it was a big calculator. We started a computer club and pretty soon we were learning about algebraic logic and iteration using BASIC computer programs. Before the year was out, we knew far more than the teacher and had progressed to writing routines in 6502 assembler. I seem to recall the 2nd cassette port at address 826 was a safe location for such code. By the time I left school, I knew by heart all the powers of 2 up to 65536 and could do simple hex arithmetic in my head.

These days, as far as I can tell (from questions asked at open days) "IT" is no more ambitious than learning how to format paragraphs in Word, or sum a column in Excel. This is appalling for two big reasons: Firstly, it is just button-pushing. There is no skill in knowing where the "centred" option is for paragraph justification; it does not foster creativity or organised thought. Secondly it is very application-specific. Now I know you've got to start somewhere, and arguably the most common software is a sensible place to start, but does it really have to be Microsoft? Let's face it, despite their many (many) faults, Microsoft have invested a lot of money in usability to ensure their products are intuitive and easy to use. So how can spending lesson after lesson poking at it be justified (not left or right or centred .. just reasonable .. OK)?

Basically, no-one teaches computer programming in school. It's a shame, because it can be a vehicle for all sorts of subject matter. It's also a shame because I find it very hard to get the "right" candidate.

Hands free

Today brings higher penalties for using a hand-held mobile phone whilst driving. There is much discussion over whether this will have any affect on the problem. I have my doubts, personally. This is clearly an attempt to encourage drivers to adhere to a law which is unenforceable. Were it possible to enforce this law, it would have been done, and all these drivers would have been stopped and fined. I reckon the being stopped is more of a deterrent that the fine, personally. The increase only raises the bar in theory, as the culprits know they won't be caught.

I find myself wondering whether the use of mobile phones is really such a problem. Certainly it reduces the driver's ability to concentrate - but as has been discussed before, this true whether the phone is hand-held or hands-free. So: what could be worse than using a mobile phone when driving? I suggest (in no particular order):

• Having a screaming argument with a passenger - particularly a passenger in the back


• Applying make-up


• Listening to an engaging radio show - especially very funny ones


• Programming a Sat-Nav


• Taking clothes off - e.g. a coat


• Following too close behind the vehicle in front


• Erratically and frequently switching lanes in slowed traffic in a desperate attempt to get ahead or other vehicles


• Driving right behind the vehicle in front to prevent another vehicle merging into your lane


• Being too tired


• Blogging^†

Here, I lay down the gauntlet: top these!

^† OK .. that last one isn't a common problem, to my knowledge.

You're nicked

So: I'm not the only one who isn't convinced by our Tony's response to the ID card petition. Luckily, some have penned a more eloquent analysis of the flannel mailed to the "almost 28000" signatories.

I can see how having everyone's dabs on-file is the police's dream. I cant help thinking, however, that criminals can easily evade the law by wearing gloves. It is also fairly clear that if the main data gathering is through passport biometrics, and a main leaver of fingerprints at crime scenes is itinerant yoof - who don't have passports - fuelling their oft-reported DrugHabit^TM then the whole thing is a waste of our time and money.

My solution? Put the power and responsibility for keeping law and order back in the hands of the people. Ensure that citizens can chastise bad behaviour without fear of lawsuit. No .. encourage citizens to chastise bad behaviour. Create opportunities for legal recreation without high price tags. Encourage a reversal of the ever-increasing population density in the South East of England. Bring back society.

I'll keep dreaming ...

ID cards - the official response

To paraphrase:

You want to scrap ID cards? No.
-- Tony

Anyone who is in any doubt that we live in a police state: read the second paragraph.

E-petition: Response from the Prime Minister

The e-petition to "scrap the proposed introduction of ID cards" has now closed. The petition stated that "The introduction of ID cards will not prevent terrorism or crime, as is claimed. It will be yet another indirect tax on all law-abiding citizens of the UK". This is a response from the Prime Minister, Tony Blair.

The petition calling for the Government to abandon plans for a National ID Scheme attracted almost 28,000 signatures - one of the largest responses since this e-petition service was set up. So I thought I would reply personally to those who signed up, to explain why the Government believes National ID cards, and the National Identity Register needed to make them effective, will help make Britain a safer place.

The petition disputes the idea that ID cards will help reduce crime or terrorism. While I certainly accept that ID cards will not prevent all terrorist outrages or crime, I believe they will make an important contribution to making our borders more secure, countering fraud, and tackling international crime and terrorism. More importantly, this is also what our security services - who have the task of protecting this country - believe.

So I would like to explain why I think it would be foolish to ignore the opportunity to use biometrics such as fingerprints to secure our identities. I would also like to discuss some of the claims about costs - particularly the way the cost of an ID card is often inflated by including in estimates the cost of a biometric passport which, it seems certain, all those who want to travel abroad will soon need.

In contrast to these exaggerated figures, the real benefits for our country and its citizens from ID cards and the National Identity Register, which will contain less information on individuals than the data collected by the average store card, should be delivered for a cost of around £3 a year over its ten-year life.

But first, it's important to set out why we need to do more to secure our identities and how I believe ID cards will help. We live in a world in which people, money and information are more mobile than ever before. Terrorists and international criminal gangs increasingly exploit this to move undetected across borders and to disappear within countries. Terrorists routinely use multiple identities - up to 50 at a time. Indeed this is an essential part of the way they operate and is specifically taught at Al-Qaeda training camps. One in four criminals also uses a false identity. ID cards which contain biometric recognition details and which are linked to a National Identity Register will make this much more difficult.

Secure identities will also help us counter the fast-growing problem of identity fraud. This already costs £1.7 billion annually. There is no doubt that building yourself a new and false identity is all too easy at the moment. Forging an ID card and matching biometric record will be much harder.

I also believe that the National Identity Register will help police bring those guilty of serious crimes to justice. They will be able, for example, to compare the fingerprints found at the scene of some 900,000 unsolved crimes against the information held on the register. Another benefit from biometric technology will be to improve the flow of information between countries on the identity of offenders.

The National Identity Register will also help improve protection for the vulnerable, enabling more effective and quicker checks on those seeking to work, for example, with children. It should make it much more difficult, as has happened tragically in the past, for people to slip through the net.

Proper identity management and ID cards also have an important role to play in preventing illegal immigration and illegal working. The effectiveness on the new biometric technology is, in fact, already being seen. In trials using this technology on visa applications at just nine overseas posts, our officials have already uncovered 1,400 people trying illegally to get back into the UK.

Nor is Britain alone in believing that biometrics offer a massive opportunity to secure our identities. Firms across the world are already using fingerprint or iris recognition for their staff. France, Italy and Spain are among other European countries already planning to add biometrics to their ID cards. Over 50 countries across the world are developing biometric passports, and all EU countries are proposing to include fingerprint biometrics on their passports. The introduction in 2006 of British e-passports incorporating facial image biometrics has meant that British passport holders can continue to visit the United States without a visa. What the National Identity Scheme does is take this opportunity to ensure we maximise the benefits to the UK.

These then are the ways I believe ID cards can help cut crime and terrorism. I recognise that these arguments will not convince those who oppose a National Identity Scheme on civil liberty grounds. They will, I hope, be reassured by the strict safeguards now in place on the data held on the register and the right for each individual to check it. But I hope it might make those who believe ID cards will be ineffective reconsider their opposition.

If national ID cards do help us counter crime and terrorism, it is, of course, the law-abiding majority who will benefit and whose own liberties will be protected. This helps explain why, according to the recent authoritative Social Attitudes survey, the majority of people favour compulsory ID cards.

I am also convinced that there will also be other positive benefits. A national ID card system, for example, will prevent the need, as now, to take a whole range of documents to establish our identity. Over time, they will also help improve access to services.

The petition also talks about cost. It is true that individuals will have to pay a fee to meet the cost of their ID card in the same way, for example, as they now do for their passports. But I simply don't recognise most claims of the cost of ID cards. In many cases, these estimates deliberately exaggerate the cost of ID cards by adding in the cost of biometric passports. This is both unfair and inaccurate.

As I have said, it is clear that if we want to travel abroad, we will soon have no choice but to have a biometric passport. We estimate that the cost of biometric passports will account for 70% of the cost of the combined passports/id cards. The additional cost of the ID cards is expected to be less than £30 or £3 a year for their 10-year lifespan. Our aim is to ensure we also make the most of the benefits these biometric advances bring within our borders and in our everyday lives.

Yours sincerely,

Tony Blair

Leave them kids alone ...

Oh, for goodness sake! Now they're banning play. My only grain of hope is that this is an isolated incident, reported to highlight the ridicule of the situation.

The worry is: how on earth did this school allow a head teacher who doesn't understand why children play? The whole point about play - and I know that assigning purpose to play kind of defeats the argument - is that it allows those playing to explore situations and understanding without consequence. A kind of "dry run" for life.

Of course, there have to be rules - and violence must be reprimanded - but let the kids play in their own way, purleease.

An interesting day

Friday was an interesting day .. as in that proverbial Chinese curse.

I should have guessed how the day was going to pan out - not in detail, of course, but generally - when I had to re-attach my speedo cable before setting off for work. This isn't the first time I've had to re-attach the bugger, but it screws in up under the fairing and I can't reach it well enough to do it up tightly enough for it to stay done up. Grrrr.

I almost got to work safely. Almost. But not quite. I got to the car park .. into the car park: right up to the door where I swing right to park the bike. That's when I found the black ice. As I rolled along, I leant the bike over and turned the bars to make the turn - but the bike just hit the deck and I slid about 10 feet along the tarmac with the damn thing on top of me. Luckily, it's not too heavy and despite the slippery surface, I managed to get it upright again. Aside from a badly bruised knee and a really stiff neck I escaped injury. Luckily. The bike wasn't too badly damaged, either. The indicator got ripped out of its socket - cracking the fairing in the process. The indicator stalk attaches to the fairing with a rubber grommet, so it popped right back into place - but the fairing is still cracked. I also found once I got the bike home that the forks had twisted a little. I managed to straighten them out, too; but getting home wasn't as straightforward as you'd like, either ...

About half-past four in the afternoon it started to snow. Quite large, wet flakes which looked ominous. I'd been brooding all day about the morning's entertainment so I got concerned pretty quickly. I decided to cut and run, so left just before five.

I took the main road option for safety, so made over half the journey OK. I had trouble seeing properly with the visor huffing up inside and the snow sticking to the outside. From there on, the road get smaller and smaller: so I went slower and slower until at last I was doing about 15 miles per hour. I made the road along the flat, and then met up with a queue of cars trying to get up the hill past a church into a village I go through. The snow was, by now, about 2" deep and icy underneath.

I noticed the car in front spinning his wheels every time he tried to go forward. At first I was OK, but soon my back wheel was spinning, too. We all slipped and slithered slowly up the hill - taking about 20 minutes to make the hundred yards to the village pub. By this time, there was about 2½" of snow. The next two hundred yards was flatish - but the road has a terrible camber.

The hill climb out of the village is twisty, however and I had to give up the vain attempt part way up. I couldn't even make it across the road - as cars coming down the hill couldn't stop. Luckily a friendly neighbour came to my rescue. The bike got manhandled up their drive and stayed there until Sunday morning. I then had the small matter of a three mile trudge through 3" of snow and ice. Two hours and fifteen miles after leaving work, I arrived home to be greeted by relieved faces and the opportunity to strip off, finally. I was sweltering with all the warm bike clothing!

Here's to boring journeys. And staying shiny-side up.

Speechless ...

.. what he said.

Will this government ever check their facts before jumping in with both feet in their mouth?

[I do love a good mixed metaphor.]

How Tao Art Thou?

Now, I'm not usually one for this kind of caper, but I came across this quizlet again today and I couldn't resist. In particular, I can think of someone who should take this test ...

You are 55% Taoist!

You are a Novice Monk / Nun in the Temple of Tao. You have selected the Taoist path, but need to get serious about your education in its philosophy and applications. You have already shown quite a few Taoist tendencies and have great potential!

How Tao Art Thou?

Nanny knows best

I should applaud the recent report which reinforces a ban on the use of mobile phones whilst driving. I've long held the belief that it is dangerously irresponsible. It is fine inasmuch as it highlights what is fairly obvious: that distraction reduces the ability to concentrate. This applies to holding a mobile phone conversation, eating, drinking (no, it took me a while to realise that "drinking and driving" didn't mean literally that) or listening to passengers.

That last one is where I start to have problems. Anyone with common sense will know that to drive safely, distractions should be kept to a minimum. Try carting four noisy children around when it's dark, pouring with rain and there are two other lanes of card doing the same thing.

My particular beef is that the report suggests that "whether your (sic) on your mobile phone or a hands free kit, you're four times more likely to have a crash". This may be true - what what sensible conclusion can be drawn from that? Surely, by inference, any conversation will also significantly increase the likelihood of a crash. Do they really expect everyone to travel in silence?

I've also held the belief (for even longer) that smoking whilst driving is dangerous, but I see no move toward banning that. I guess the tobacco lobby is as strong as ever.

I think a much more sensible approach is to educate and inform drivers that - when distraction is unavoidable - they should probably slow down, or stop. Certainly, when distracted, more care should be taken - as a courtesy to their passengers and other road users. DAMNIT! Now I'm starting to sound like Victor Meldrew.

Just use a bit of common sense, people!

Big Brother: reviving careers the easy way

I'm glad to say that I didn't get hooked on this latest season of Celebrity Big Brother. As Channel 4's director of television was reported as saying after the racism row "This was in danger of being the most boring BB that we'd had in many years, maybe ever". I'm greatly amused to discover, however, that the winner was not the big name she was presented as.

My conspiracy theory sensors are tingling again. What if the whole show was a vehicle for boosting flagging careers? Certainly, Channel 4 was accused of manipulating the racism issue to boost ratings. The way in which the show is edited makes it a doddle to swing the votes whichever way the director wishes. They even fiddled the final vote, for goodness' sake! The programme makers could have planned Shilpa Shetty's victory from the off - perhaps her agent bought it for her. Shilpa was introduced as a big Bollywood star; it now transpires she was a "B-grade" actress. Big Brother has now made her a pukka star .. in the UK, at least.

It's been said before: don't go on Big Brother unless you've nothing to lose. Perhaps that's true - unless you have pre-arranged the outcome ... fame and fortune, anyone?

A picture's worth .. oh, hang on

Scientists store whole image on a single photon. How does that work, then?

"An entire image's worth of data has been encoded into a single photon, without information being lost" says the article.

Now I'm obviously no expert - but that image looks a bit dodgy to me. If there's no loss of information, and it's equivalent to a 6 megapixel camera on a single photon, how come the image isn't a wee bit better?

Call me Old Mr Cynical.

Error Message Gems: #1

This is the first in what will no doubt become an extensive series of posts.

On logging in to our company rewards system, the user is asked to enter a new password to replace the system-generated one. I did so and was greeted with this gem:

Validation Error(s)

• The new password word does not meet the security requirements

That's it. No further information; no clues. I guess I'll just have to figure out what the security requirements are for myself. Maybe it's a test.

Hey: here's a thought: initiative test interviews:

My first comedy sketch idea.

Scene: a busy city street. A hopeful looking job candidate checks his tie and rereads the job interview letter. He checks the address, then looks up. In front of him - at the nominated address is a travel agency. He looks puzzled, but enters anyway. The two occupants of the travel agency: one man tapping at a computer and a woman apparently trying to book a holiday. As he approaches the desk, the man pulls a gun and aims it at the candidate, while the woman rolls off her chair and appears behind the candidate - holding him is a half-nelson. The candidate throws off the woman using a "Ippon Seoinage" judo throw and rolls under the desk, disarming the man with the gun. They all stand up and the candidate is patted warmly on the back and told he's got the job. "Welcome to MI5" says his new boss.

The listening government?


Subject: Government response to petition 'privatecopy'
Date: Wed, 17 Jan 2007 14:21:43 +0000
Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
To: me
Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit
From: "10 Downing Street" <team@petitions.pm.gov.uk>

You recently signed a petition asking the Prime Minister to "create a new exception to copyright law that gives individuals the right to create a private copy of copyrighted materials for their own personal use, including back-ups, archiving and shifting format."

The Prime Minister's Office has responded to that petition and you can view it here: http://www.pm.gov.uk/output/Page10776.asp

Prime Minister's Office

Petition info: http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/privatecopy/


Whether the weather is sunny ...

What a difference a day makes
Twenty four little hours
Brought the sun and the flowers
Where there used to be rain

Spot the difference:

Before

After

EGNX 181450Z 26042G55KT 9999 VCSH SCT042 10/02 Q0985 29 minutes ago, at 14:50 UTC, the wind was blowing at a speed of 21.6 meters per second (48.3 miles per hour), with gusts to 28.3 meters per second (63.3 miles per hour), from West in East Midlands. The temperature was 10 degrees Celsius (50 degrees Fahrenheit), and the pressure was 985 hPa (29.09 inHg). The relative humidity was 57.5%. There were scattered clouds at a height of 1280 meter (4200 feet). The visibility was > 11.3 kilometers (>7 miles). Current weather is Nearby Shower(s).

EGNX 191420Z 23012KT CAVOK 10/05 Q1013 26 minutes ago, at 14:20 UTC, the wind was blowing at a speed of 6.2 meters per second (13.8 miles per hour) from Southwest in East Midlands. The temperature was 10 degrees Celsius (50 degrees Fahrenheit), and the pressure was 1,013 hPa (29.91 inHg). The relative humidity was 71.0%. There are no clouds below 1,524 meter (5,000 feet). The visibility was >10 kilometers (>6.2 miles).

(I love weatherpixie, me)

It doesn't look much, perhaps - but it doesn't half feel different!

What is Racism?

I'm pleased to have ignored Big Brother so far .. but this furore over alleged racism is too noisy an issue to ignore. What is unclear is whether any comments or behaviour observed is, in fact, racism. This brings the question: what constitutes racism?

Is "Goodness Gracious Me" racist? There is certainly caricaturisation of "Englishness" in there: mocking English behaviour and accents. Personally, I'd say it's very funny and probably well deserved. There was that "blacked up men" routine that hit a slight nerve, though.

Dictionary definitions usually refer to the belief that physical traits and cultural differences are determined by (biologically distinct) "race", and that this may in turn imply or define superiority or inferiority. The American Heritage Dictionary puts this rather succinctly as "Discrimination or prejudice based on race".

So the point about racism appears to be prejudice. If an individual or organisation pre-judges another based on their race, that is racism. Referring to an individual by their race is not, in itself, racist.

With this in mind, let's examine the alleged racist behaviour in the BB house.

Jackiey Goody's behaviour is questionable - but could have been triggered by personal disagreements. An inability to pronounce foreign names (and arguably some native ones) is not racism. Imitating an Indian accent is IMHO not racist either (otherwise so is "Goodness Gracious Me").

Jo O'Meara's suggestion that Indians were thin because they were always ill as a result of undercooking their food is probably not racist - but certainly an unjustified slur.

Danielle Lloyd's comment "You don't know where those hands have been" must be viewed as dodgy, though. Whilst it could be argued that it was personal, without specific grounds for questioning Shilpa's cleanliness it sounds clearly racist.

I think the main problem is that it is easy to brush over such incidents and to explain away the prejudice. Humans have, I beleive, an instinctive need for "us" and "them". As social animals we have to define a "them" in order to know who "us" is. This is all well and good, but in a shrinking world in which we all have to co-exist, prejudice must be tackled. Most important of all, we should not as a society permit such prejudice to be explained away.

Software Archeology

A colleague and friend of mine in a previous job often said his favourite job title was "Software Archeologist". He has the curious accolade of having possibly the only online video recorder museum. I have long been impressed that not only does he maintain this site, but actually has all the exhibits stored at home. But I digress.

For those who, like me, have an interest in the business of software - and in particular, programming languages - might like to visit the Encyclopedia of Computer Languages (subtitled "HOPL: an interactive Roster of Programming Languages").

Memo to me: must get to grips with Ruby.

The iPod: deskilling the nation

Long ago, when motoring was new, if you wanted to drive from London to Brighton you had to know how to fix the car if it broke down. And break down, it probably would - at some point. Witness the annual veteran car run.

More recently, manufacturers have improved reliability to the state where most owners never need to fix the car. And so they don't know how.

Recently, I tried to help my next door neighbour solve a problem with his new car. It didn't believe the tailgate was shutting - and so kept sounding the alarm. Keeping us awake - but that's not the point. The engine-bay was so neatly packaged that nothing could be examined without special tools. They obviously didn't expect - or even want - the owner to maintain the vehicle. As has happened with music and film, the buyer no longer owns the product. But that's a different rant - for another time.

My point here is that by making products inaccessible to the owner, and in less need of owner maintenance, we are in some ways worse off. Sure, the consumer will tell you that they want more reliable products; that they want to be able to use things without having to know how to fix them. Since when has the consumer really known what they want?

The iPod typifies this approach: a monobloc device, with pretty much a single button to operate it. Its runaway success was due to this neat packaging. It does exactly what is says on the tin - as that advert went. But: it's a disposable product. If (heaven forbid!) it goes wrong, it cannot be mended. Not by the owner, anyway.

My main problem with this is not the waste, or the advance in technology, but the dumbing-down of the people. These are just examples. There is a general trend; the same process can be seen in many walks of life. As a people we used to be capable and so able to adapt and survive. We are rapidly becoming slaves to our gadgets, and the worse off for it.

I'll just consult my PDA for my next meeting and .. argh! I can't find my phone. But I need to find out what's in my Google calendar. What'll I do now? I can't live like this ...

Upgraded

All done. Quite painless. I even got my "factoid" widget back in there ...

Now to go back through my 100-odd posts, adding labels. Watch this space ...

Upgrading Blogger

'tis time. I can put this off no longer. I'm going for the upgrade.

New Blogger was in beta for quite a while, but now I'm going to assume that it is mature enough to make the jump. Please do not adjust your sets ...

You know .. when you've been plutoed

Feeling devalued? You've been plutoed. "In its 17th annual words of the year vote, the American Dialect Society voted “plutoed” as the word of the year ..."

Don't worry, there's a solution: salsa! "Salsa dancing might help tackle depression, experts from the University of Derby have suggested."

Dawn of a New World Order?

A number of thoughts have come together .. and I can now present my thoughts on what the future has in store for society and government.

Media

The recent furore over illicit phone-cam images of Saddam Hussein's hanging highlighted an inevitable truth. The media is devolving. No longer are we fed news from companies large enough to place reporters in the field and publish nationwide. One man with a phone can let the world see the truth. A truth, at least.

Publishing

A similar story is can be told of the film and music industries. In the last new years, and last year in particular, these popular media streams saw successes come from nowhere - without the help of large corporations. The likes of Lily Allen and Sandi Thom rose to fame: not as a result of Max Clifford's efforts, or with the backing of EMI or whoever, but directly via their Myspace pages.

An increasing number of bands now have pages on myspace. My 15 year-old daughter is, I guess, typical. She finds bands I've never heard of, downloads their music and teaches herself to play them on her guitar. No big publishers. No copyright malarkey. Just as it should be.

Software Patents

Yesterday I read news that a once-dead company has risen from the ashes to sue Apple, Google and Napster, using its patent for a "Digital entertainment service platform". Just about everyone can see that this is not novel.

The level of software evolution at the moment means that companies are patenting the equivalent of bricks and mortar. The main problem as I can see it is that the people granting such patents do not understand the technology and so cannot understand what the patents are actually about. Anyone with a wad of cash and a good enough grasp of positive spin can get a software patent. Witness Eddie Van Halen's patent for a "Musical instrument support".

This situation has led some to call for an end to the patent system altogether.

Conclusion

All of these are trends in the world of computers and electronic communication. That's my world, and these are the trends that I can see. There will, of course, be others that I'm unaware of.

What I can see in the future is a diversification beyond anything seen before. A real democracy: right on the edges of anarchy. A much-needed reversal of the trend for fewer, large companies. The end of the world as we know it ...

We'll see.

Celebrity Big Brother 5 Begins

Despite myself, I am already interested in the latest "reality TV" horror that is Celebrity Big Brother. Not hooked. Absolutely not. I could give it up any time ...

I was indifferent as the contestants were introduced one by one and descended into metaphoric hell.

Jermaine Jackson: not as big a name as his kid brother. Not quite sure how they persuaded him to go on the show.

Danielle LLoyd: 'nuff siad

Carole Malone: abhorrent attention-seeker, sold out in the name of more fame

Jo O'Meara: some interest here - on a musical and lecherous level; she was, after all, the one who could sing

Ken Russell: what the ...? Doing a Michel Winner, I suppose. Surely, he doesn't need publicity?

Shilpa Shetty: really disappointed by her vanity and self-centred image of the show

.. and then came Leo Sayer. Oh no! Now I'm going to have to watch it. He's gotta win, surely?

Donny Tourette: presumably someone at Endemol thought they were being really humorous here

Cleo Rocos: pleasantly surprised by how polite and put-together this icon was

Ian Watkins: who? Oh, yes. Greeted Jo like old mates - which I presume they were. Soul mates there, then

Dirk Benedict: no way! This guy really impresses me. He is so laid back, and doesn't appear to take stuff too seriously. Maybe Leo has a rival ...

So ... this wasn't supposed to be a run-down. I was going to rant about how pointless the whole charade is .. but it's too late. I'll no doubt moan about how much of my life I wasted watching it when it's all over ...

Happy New Year, 2007

A belated Happy Christmas, Happy New Year and any other festivities you have been celebrating.

I resisted the urge to create a list of favourite Christmassy songs before my self-awarded sabbatical. In its place, here's my Yuletide breakdown:

Presents

Several. All gratefully received. Some edible; one rather saucy; one which will soon be providing freshly brewed beer.

Alcohol

Plenty, though - curiously - not to excess. There's bottles left over to enjoy ...

New Year's Resolutions

None. I made one a while ago to never make New Year's Resolutions. I have, however, decided to subtly change the content of this blog.

Out

Song lyrics as blog post titles. This will, I know, reduce the hits on this blog .. but the "accidental" hits never read it anyway. I retain the right to include snippets of song lyrics and/or poetry as the urge takes me.

In

More opinion: release the inner grump. This was after all intended to be my Two Pennies Worth.

Golly, Moses, naturally we're punks ...

I think West Side Story got it slightly wrong. I'm developing a theory that it's not that mothers may be junkies or that fathers may be drunks which ails society so. Those are problems, sure, but I'm beginning to wonder whether the root of certain problems lie in school.

Yes, it's easy to blame schools - but by the same token it's easy to blame parents, too. Let me explain.

Since we've home-educated our kids, I've noticed a few things. Their behaviour is different - towards us and towards each other. When they were in school, they had begun to follow the pack mentality that pervades such places. Their self-esteem was driven by how high or low their ranking was within the herd. Their attitude and approach to life followed suit. My eldest son had pronounced communication difficulties and whilst he had good friends, got picked on by kids and staff alike. Just before we deregistered him from school, he had started to say things like "I'm a bad person" and "they don't want me in school". Within a fortnight of leaving school he had started to gain some confidence in himself; he walked taller and spoke more clearly.

I now realise that a major cause of disaffected youth is school. Not school per se, but the abnormally high concentrations of almost uncontrolled children. This arrangement is so divorced from what I'd call "normal family life" that it has a detrimental affect on those involved. I've known since I was at school that the stress makes teachers ill. Now I see that it also affects the children. Without the family structure, kids become anti-social. It's the Lord of the Flies thing: releasing the "beast within". I'm particularly interested to see that small schools we've seen recently (say 100 pupils over four or five years) do not exhibit the same problems.

That's it, really. I'm unsure what the solution is, but the problem is the abnormally large groups of unparented children at school. Maybe we should all home-educate ...

And we all like figgy pudding ...

so bring some out here

*But* are we going to like our Christmas Presents?

I hate shopping. Don't get me wrong: I like getting new things. I don't even mind the mad scramble in the shopping centres. It's not even the spending money that pains me so. It's the making decisions that really gets to me. I desperately struggle to avoid buying the wrong thing. Or, worse: I struggle to buy the right thing. (There is a difference.)

So: will he like this? Am I wasting my limited budget on buying something that will never get used? Will she think I'm being unnecessarily stingy if I don't buy that? The problem is, I always have this feeling that there's a really great gift out there, round the corner - if only I can remember where to get it.

I think I'd be happier going back to simpler times. Before all the retail lunacy, there was a warm-hearted glow about Christmas. Of course I wanted presents as a kid, but I don't remember the greed for bigger, better, more expensive that I see in kids today. Maybe it's that parental amnesia again. Maybe it's the orgy of advertising. Now I feel I'd prefer to give and receive a "little something" - to show love, respect and caring.

Still, little by little I accumulate a collection of things I feel will be well received. Just now, though, I'm a little light on things. And time. I'll keep looking. Thank goodness for on-line shopping!

Food, glorious food ...

Don't care what it looks like

Nutritionalists: Pah! A bunch of self-important bureaucrats if you ask me.

I've always thought that Arthur Marshall got it right: when being interviewed, he was asked to what he attributed his longevity. He said "I've always eaten what I like, when I like" - or something along those lines. Me too, mate.

So where do these people get off with their control-freakery? An where does all that gobbledegook come from? Polyunsaturated fats indeed! What the bugger is polyunsaturated fat? And do I want any? Why should I allow someone in a lab-coat - or, worse, in a suit - to tell me what I can and can't eat? I'll decide for myself, thanks.

I notice that food manufacturers (and I use that term carfully) are now in on the act. Cereal boxes are labelled with percentages of daily recommended intake for salt, saturated fat, calcium and so-on. I don't want to eat by numbers; is it just me? Personally, I would rather get my food the way nature intended. I don't want a carefully balanced, nutritionally-correct meal. Sure, I don't want to eat unhealthily either - but I'd rather let my body decide what is does and does not want. I'm a great believer in that. We are all animals at the end of the day^†. We are designed to self-regulate our diet. Surely you've noticed that when ill you feel like eating more fruit? It's not a coincidence, people.

I'll get off the soap-box, now. A final thought. (It'll only really make sense to a limited audience.) Those single-finger Twix bars: surely, they should be called "Unix"?

^† damn! Management-speak. Sorry.

Here comes the sun ...

Dood'n do doo ..

Good thing #1: For the first time this Autumn^†, I set off before sunrise. OK, it was light, but the sun was not yet up. Alright, I'm getting to the point. There is a short stetch of road on my journey to work where I can look over a low wall to my left^‡ and see the countryside laid out before me - over a valley and beyond. This is a really uplifting sight; on a good day it warms the ol' cockles, so it does. This morning, as I approached, the sun peeped over the horizon and lit up the light cloud cover: it was a fantastic sight. That really made my morning and now I feel great.

Good thing #2: I've discovered Firebug. I've not even had the chance to play with it much, but as a web developer I would rate is as WayCool^TM - just from the specs.

Good thing #3: I've just discovered that - despite the fact I've only got a few regular readers - this blog is listed on technorati. Not so clever, perhaps .. but it's added to my general bonhomie. Today I start my campaign for increased readership; tomorrow: blogospheric domination [Mwa-ha-haa].


^† that's Fall for you colonial types.

^‡ bear in mind that I'm riding on the left hand side of the road .. and that this is a narrow road with enough space for a car and a half between my side of the road and the parked cars on the other side.

It's one for you nineteen for me ...

Grrr. Now you know this isn't a political blog. OK, some recent posts are leaning that way, but ...

Today's headline is Motorists 'must pay for road use'. I'm sorry? I thought we already do. The fuel I buy is taxed - to the hilt (honest, no agricultural diesel for me!). I pay a road fund license - for each vehicle (regardless of the fact that I may only drive one at a time). Apparently, that's not paying for using the road though. Not paying enough ...

So: this plan of yon BA ex-chief's. Build more roads .. to encourage public transport use. Eh? What're the public supposed to do inbetween now and this supposed improvement in public transport? Oh, yes. Pay.

OK, better use of existing roads: Of course. I can't help thinking that the minor - untaxed - roads will become much busier. The motorways were supposed to take traffic away from the towns, not drive more traffic into them.

My recommendation would be to encourage public transport use first. Then improving the roads should be much easier.

Every beat of my heart ...

Don'tcha just hate it when that happens?

You're walking along, not really paying attention. Let's say you're going to the toilets, hypothetically. You step towards the door, hand reached out in front of you, anticipating the strangely satisfying resistance of the door closer against your touch. Suddenly you're wrenched from your dream-like state and are aware of falling forwards. Your hand thrusts forward into the slightly astonished face of someone coming the other way. Your heart seems to stop momentarily. You stagger to regain your balance. Someone has just tugged the door open just as you were about to make contact.

It's one of those one-in-a-million chances which turns up nine times out of ten. Or something.

Sign your name across my heart ...

This petition thing could become addictive. It seems the much-quoted joke petition (I assume - no, hope) is the exception. There are worthy petitions to be found. Some, it is true that I'd rather emigrate than see made law. No, I'm not going to publicise them - even in the name of ridicule! I reckon that a digital signature in opposition to ID cards, and in favour of private copies of copyright material is worth your time and effort, though.

Go on, you know it makes sense!

Well we got no choice ...

All the girls and boys

Wrong! I strongly believe that if the government have their way, there will be no choice but to follow the doctrine. The latest in a very worrying trend of totalitarian policies is a "consultation" regarding home education. Using the recent keep-the-children-safe bandwagon, the government are trying to strong-arm law requiring LEAs to monitor home-educating parents. This sounds innocuous but will result in the end of our right to educate our own children at home, in a manner we see fit. The only permissible education will be one approved by the government. The only schooling available will be one already acknowledged to be failing.

I am becoming rather scared by this government's attitude to the people who elected them. This is going beyond the "Nanny" state. We are closer to a "Big Brother" state than ever before. All we have to do to let them win is ... do nothing.

So: resist! You can sign up as a concerned parent, and be counted. Without this, the government cannot be aware of the strength of feeling. Why should we as parents be told how to raise our children? Sign the petition now! Write to your local MP. Shout from the rooftops!

No more pencils
No more books
No more teacher's dirty looks ...

I want to ride my bicycle ...

... and so do the kids.

A recent development chez nous is the kids getting into cycling. I took the dog for a walk on Saturday - accompanied by kids on bikes. We stopped at the playground while I popped into the "little shop" [new, improved, Politically-Correct term .. it's not on a corner]. On Sunday we all got out - again with the dog - and a good time was had by all. Which is nice.

On a tenuously related note, we are officially disappointed with eMusic. I wanted to try it - partly because of the introductory 25 free MP3s offer, but mainly because they (uniquely, perhaps) offer sell MP3s, with full ID3 tags. Most (all that I can find) alternatives sell WMA or some other DRM-infested format. Some, it is true, sell MP3s where artist/label allows it. The result - for eMusic - is that none of the music my eldest daughter wanted was listed. They don't even have Queen (which is where the tenuous link comes in). We're now trialling Tesco.com and MSN music ... Infernal money-grabbing <expletive deleted>.

I still like CDs: they make better Christmas presents. Meanwhile, our digital jukebox steadily takes over my hard disc ...

People think I'm insane because I am frowning all the time ...

Today's conspiracy theory:

The government have a secret plan to improve the state of our social fabric by stealth. The plan is to encourage young adults to continue living with their parents, re-creating the extended family. This, in turn, is expected to increase the influence that the more experienced generation has over the parents of tomorrow. Their wisdom and calmer approach to life will have a positive effect, creating a more sociable and law-abiding (and controllable) populace, in theory.

This is being achieved by allowing house prices to outstrip individuals' ability to buy them. This was attempted in the '80s, but the place backfired spectacularly as the prices rose too quickly - creating the much celebrated "Boom and Bust". Now, older and wiser, they are succeeding with a longer-term roll-out.

I can't help the thought that many of those families who are best placed to have a positive influence of their offspring are also the best placed to help them with a leg-up onto the property ladder.

It's not a good conspiracy theory, perhaps, but I was struck this morning - as I went for milk at the local shop - by how many people were being picked up in cars and vans; presumably given them a lift to wherever they spend their days.

Postscript: Today's house price report shows that the average house in Britain now exceeds £200,000 for the first time. Now I'm not an economist, but that's a lot of money.

We are family ...

I got all my - um - children with me^†

.. an eventful weekend. My wife and eldest daughter went off on a jolly to London for the weekend, while I looked after the kids and dog. I say looked after: all I have managed before in this situation is to childmind. This weekend I feel we actually did something - which is nice.

To start with the failures, we did not get to go to a firework display. I knew they'd be disappointed, but I really didn't see any publicity telling me where there might be one we could go to. Youngest child also ended up looking rather beaten about, with a black eye and other minor injuries.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Friday I worked at home. This is often a stressful setup and I did end the day feeling that I'd not achieved enough to avoid feeling guilty - though I didn't get too ratty with everyone. I was pleased to find today that what I'd written did actually work; more-so than I thought it would.

Saturday I was able to start my weekend. I had a plan. I had a list of things to achieve: shopping; library; go out; dog-walk; clean & tidy; cook dinner; chill. To my pleasant surprise we managed to achieve these - and almost had fun doing it. Discovered that the local library has a WiFi access point - though the bloke I asked clearly wasn't aware of it (or indeed what it is). Luckily a woman stood beside him did and was able to confirm that it is open access. I decided not to push my luck and ask whether they used any encryption. Eldest son mused on the possibility of sitting in the library playing on his Nintendo DS over the WiFi.

The major mishap of the weekend resulted in leaving my 3-year-old battered and bruised. During the dog-walk after lunch we went via a steep (a good 40 degree slope) hill. Halfway up the dog was way ahead - so I called him back. He came hurtling down towards us; I looked up to see his face - a picture of wild eyed panic - too close and unable to avoid us. I tried to sidestep, but it was too late: the dog collided with young-un, tearing him from my grip and sending him tumbling and sliding a good 20 feet down the hill. Luckily he escaped with no more than shock, bruises and scratches. A heart-stopping moment nonetheless.

Having just about recovered, we visited my brother and family for a cuppa in the afternoon. I do love being close enough to share time like that. Helped mow his lawn and make a mental note to strim mine tomorrow.

Saturday evening was punctuated by fireworks going off all round the town. Our house is on a hilltop, so after dinner we stepped out into the dark and wondered along the nearby farm track and looked down on the town .. fireworks going off all around us. This didn't quite compensate for being at an actual organised display as far as the kids were concerned, but was rather fun. When we got back home, we found the house across the road letting off a staggering number of rockets so we sat in the conservatory and enjoyed the show from the warmth and comfort of home. And that was another good day.

Sunday was more tasks and chilling. Cooked a Sunday roast for midday - which turned out surprisingly edible. Tidied up round the house. Walked the dog: no injuries this time. Collected a bagful of leaves for younger daughter to produce a collage. Strimmed the lawn. Managed to pursuade the kids to tidy their rooms a little. Got them set up on Google docs to create their Christmas lists. Collected wife and daughter from the station. Had tea. Crashed in a happy heap.

All in all an enjoyable and eventful weekend. I feel dangerously close to having a relationship with my children. Scary.

^†Sorry - I'll try not to do it again ...

I was working in the lab, late one night ...

When my eyes beheld an eerie sight ...

Not one single Halloween I can remember - which goes back to some years BET (Before E.T.) - have we had people "trick-or-treating". We've lived in a number of houses in a a number of towns and none of the places we've chosen to live has attracted this annual sweet-fest.

I could go into an in-depth analysis of the social and environmental factors which may have caused or at least contributed to this, but frankly even I'd get bored of that.

The reason for mentioning this, as you may have guessed, is that last night made up for this dearth of mirth. Luckily I had expected this and bought in several bags of sweets. We had getting on for twenty groups of kids - for the most part chaperoned by parents - ringing our doorbell at roughly five minute intervals. I didn't step outside, but it must've looked like that scene from E.T. I have to say all the costumes were very good and no-one trashed our bin or caused any kind of damage that I could see.

The one thing which really bugs me, though, is this is yet another colonial tradition we're adopting. What's wrong with Samhain, that's what I'd like to know? A good ol' pagan festival. A proper British one - none of yer Hollywood and candy nonsense.

They did the Mash
They did the monster mash ...

You can't beat a good one-hit wonder! I'm off to make the pumpkin pie ...

When the night has come ...

... and the land is dark

Plunged into darkness once more. (Nothing to do with replacing Justin Hawkins - fun though that may be.) This year - as far as I can tell - I have managed to set all the assorted clocks and other timepieces to GMT. It's true that I found some were already (still) in GMT .. but that's a different story.

This is a major victory. No, really. Every year around January I find some clock still in BST. Likewise in July or so there's inevitably a clock still in GMT. This time, however, I am sure - really sure - that I've got them all. Honest.

My children ask "why do the clocks have to change?" - and I find it difficult to answer. This is a problem as we home educate, so I feel I should have an answer. I could give them the official explanation, some history of the origins and even some insight into the political skulduggery that ensures the daylight savings nonsense persists. The real problem is that I really don't see that there is good reason for it. Come winter I start and end my working day in the dark; tweaking the clock an hour earlier doesn't make it light when I have to get up nor light when I travel home. In the summer it's not a problem: there's plenty of sunlight to go round. It gets light hours before I get up and stays light until bedtime - so why change the clocks then? Sure, most countries have this clock change twice a year but that doesn't justify it for me.

So now I wait for sundown and ride home in the dark. Could be worse - could be raining. That'll be tomorrow's excitement.

I love to laugh ...

... loud and long and clear

And ........ another week goes by. STOP! Too fast! (or else I'm getting too crumbly - make up your own mind).

I found this today. Made me laugh out loud 'til the tears rolled down. P'raps I'm getting a little hysterical, too. I particularly like:

chromatic abberation : wearing brown shoes with a blue suit

circlular reasoning : see reasoning, circular

.. and, of course

reasoning, circular : see circular reasoning


Must go lie down in a dark room ...

Where's you head at ..?

Ill, ill, ill. I hate being ill. "Just as you thought it was safe to feel human ..." Damn sinus infection. OK, OK .. too much information. Still, I'm feeling grumpy. Be warned!

The perfect antidote (courtesy of Making it up): South Park does World of Warcraft. Brilliant.

Off to find some serious painkillers ...

Hey! Teacher! Leave them kids alone ...

Well, someone's talking sense: I'm just glad no-one's tried to fingerprint my kids.

Woke up, got out of bed ...

... and dragged a comb across my head ...


Blog for Britain!

Today is your chance to crate a piece of history. The National Trust is encouraging people to record a diary of their day on a website, as part of what is being called "Britain's biggest blog".

The trust says the emphasis does not have to be on recording exciting events. Historian Dan Snow said they had wanted to choose a "run-of-the-mill day". Tuesday has been picked as an "ordinary day much like any other of no particular national significance".

So: log on and blog off!

Alif is for Allah ...

Right. I'll start with the conclusion - there is no simple answer.

There'll be no veiled threats - or indeed any more bad puns.

Britain has not been a monoculture since before Jesus - or Mohammed - walked the earth. The television and newpaper media, however, still insist on stirring up fear, uncertainty and doubt whenever our "culture" is under threat. So .. what culture is that, then? The idea of Britian devoid of influence from abroad conjours up images of red-haired faces painted blue and people asking "what have the Romans ever done for us?". Britian derives its strength and identity from being a cultural melting-pot. Get used to it and embrace it.

Now I would be the first to say that anyone choosing to live in our country should make some effort to fit in. I would personally feel somehow uncomfortable living in some other country and pretending I was living in England. I'm also not sure I see the point. There is also a need, however, for everyone to feel part of a community; to retain ther own identity. Look at the British abroad: we huddle together in ex-pat enclaves, drinking beer in Abu Dabi, eating chips in Spain and baring our flesh in Greece.

It is for this reason that there will always be - and have always been - subcultures within our society. This could be the difference between the gentry and the peasants; between the northerners and the southerners; British and Irish; and, in this case, Islamic followers and a mixture of Christians and Atheists.

On the specific topic du jour: veils, I admit that things get tricky. I can see how people may be threatened by a mode of dress they're not used to. Punks were chastised in the '70s for their torn jeans and piercings. Goths are victimised for their heavy eyeliner and oppressive garb. It is the unwillingness to accept this form of dress which is so destructive, however. Personally I find talking to someone in dark glasses very offputting (almost exactly the opposite of traditional Islamic women's dress) - but no-one is suggesting that that's culturally threatening.

I've worked alongside Iranians on a couple of occasions during my career. One particular individual gave me a couple of insights which openend my eyes. I always used to find it peculiar that the Catholic and Anglican churches are so divided when they share so much common ground. This pales into insignificance, however when you consider the divide between Christianity and Islam - though the Qur'an shares much of its text with the Old Testament of the Christian bible.

As with any conflict, the only way forward involves give and take on both sides. It is difficult to see, however, how the divide can be bridged quickly - and every day it is being widened.

</£0.02>

P.S: Whilst writing this post, I did a little research .. to check a few facts on Islam, the Qur'an and Mohammed. What I found disturbed me greatly. The first entry from Google is a tirade against Islam in general, its believers and Mohammed himself in particular. Two of the top three hits - and three of the first page of ten hits on Google are anti-Islam to the point of hatred. Now, how is that helpful?

Robin Hood, Robin Hood, Riding through the ...

... city on my bike all day, 'cos the filth took away my licence ...^†

Sorry: it just struck me as funny.


I'll get my coat ...

^† new, improved and now with correct lyrics!

Sometimes it's hard to be ...

I've got a sore-throat and a bit of a sniffle.

I hear a comment from over the partition from suited office-type female^†:
"Oh .. got 'man-flu', have you?"

Where did that bollocks come from? Man-flu. Pfff. I despair, I really do.

Now there was a time, granted, when the female of the species were not treated with respect in all situations. The "trot off the the kitchen, dear" brigade deserved their come-uppance. I do feel, however, that the pendulum has swung in the other direction - and it's time for it to swing back towards centre.

The media is, as usual, at the root of this evil. The hypocrytes who once - and in some cases still do - portray women as trophies or somehow second-class (though often great to look at) now go out of their way to poke fun at all that is male. It is now perfectly acceptable for television adverts to imply or even state categorically that to be male is to be unintelligent and crude. Granted, some men are - but if anyone suggests that a woman is somehow inferior to a man - though in specific cases she may well be - would cause outrage. In fact, even suggesting that women now have the upper hand would be greeted with derision. Women can now get away with all those things which men used to get away with. So ... how are they better? How is that an improvement on those ill-informed '70s?

But I'm straying from my point - which is how much I hate the phrase "man-flu". I hate it; I hate it; I hate it. It is so condescending, so disrespectful, so spiteful. And all this when the target is at a low ebb. Come, on women! Show you are better: instead sinking to the levels you decry, please come up with something better than "man-flu".

^† OK, it's a fair cop, this is arguably a derogatory description. The individual in question, however, deserves it.

I still haven't found what I'm looking for ...

To save you the trouble, I've done the to-and-fro translation. Enjoy:

Taking the last paragraph of my previous post: into Spanish ...

Ahora sería el primer en la línea para la traducción automática del sitio. He pasado la codificación i18n * mecanismos de ManyAHappyHourTM. y recibiendo facturas de los traductores. PERO hasta que es una traducción apropiada, comprensible, gramatically-correcta. No los confíe en. Intente esto en el país: tome un paso del texto; traduzca a una cierta otra lengua (que usa, por ejemplo, Babelfish); ahora tome el texto traducido y póngalo detrás a través en la lengua original. ¿Feo, no es? ¡Pruébeme mal!

Looks Spanish .. but back into English:

Now he would be the first one in the line for the automatic translation of the site. I have passed the codification i18n * mechanisms of ManyAHappyHourTM. and receiving invoices of the translators. BUT until it is an appropriate translation, comprehensible, gramatically-correct. It does not trust them. This in the country tries: take a passage from the text; translate to certain a other language (that it uses, for example, Babelfish); now it takes the translated text and póngalo behind to traverse in the original language. Ugly, it is not? Bad Pruébeme!

I rest my case.

What's that coming over the hill ...

... is it a monster?

I'm properly freaked out. I'm a bona fide techie, but the web has actually spooked me today.

I've put together birthclass.co.uk: a website for NCT trained ante-natal teachers who are offering private classes. You'll see it's in English (damnit). I added a stats counter yesterday and have been pleased to see folk hitting the site and browsing its pages - presumably finding the information they need. (I've had reports from listed sites that they get traffic this way.)

This morning I checked the stats and found this monster. In Portugese! Brazilian Portugese! Badly translated Brazilian Portugese! Aaaarghhhh! Run for the hills ....

Now I'd be the first in line for automatic site translation. I've spent ManyAHappyHour^TM coding i18n^* mechanisms .. and receiving invoices from translators. BUT until it's a proper, understandable, gramatically-correct translation .. DON'T trust them. Try this at home: take a passage of text; translate into some other language (using, for example, Babelfish); now take the translated text and put it back through into the original language. Ugly, ain't it? Prove me wrong!

For now, I'll stick with English, thanks.


^* Internationalization - though, for legacy reasons it was referred to in our code as l10n<sup>†

†</sup> Localization

Looking in a window on a rainy day ...*

Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness,
Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun;
Conspiring with him how to load and bless
With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eves run;
To bend with apples the moss'd cottage-trees,
And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core;
To swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells
With a sweet kernel; to set budding more,
And still more, later flowers for the bees,
Until they think warm days will never cease,
For summer has o'er-brimm'd their clammy cells.

Who hath not seen thee oft amid thy store?
Sometimes whoever seeks abroad may find
Thee sitting careless on a granary floor,
Thy hair soft-lifted by the winnowing wind;
Or on a half-reap'd furrow sound asleep,
Drows'd with the fume of poppies, while thy hook
Spares the next swath and all its twined flowers:
And sometimes like a gleaner thou dost keep
Steady thy laden head across a brook;
Or by a cyder-press, with patient look,
Thou watchest the last oozings hours by hours.

Where are the songs of spring? Ay, where are they?
Think not of them, thou hast thy music too, -
While barred clouds bloom the soft-dying day,
And touch the stubble-plains with rosy hue;
Then in a wailful choir the small gnats mourn
Among the river sallows, borne aloft
Or sinking as the light wind lives or dies;
And full-grown lambs loud bleat from hilly bourn;
Hedge-crickets sing; and now with treble soft
The red-breat whistles from a garden-croft;
And gathering swallows twitter in the skies.

-- John Keats

.. which pretty much sums it up, really

... Now I'm standing in a doorway with my overcoat on,
It really feels like Summer's gone ...

^* or anything by the Fall. Arf, arf.

Stranger, stranger in a strange land ...

I've got an accent - apparently.

I went into a local aerial shop, inquiring after a new aerial so's I can get Freeview. This is, of course, irrelevent. I got chatting with the bloke there and after a little while he asked my whether I was from "round here". No, I said. I told him I was born some 30 miles away but that I grew up on the south coast. "Oh, yes", he observed, "I thought you had a bit of a twang."

A bit of a twang? Aye doon't think soo. Doock.

Meanwhile this weekend we enjoyed the fair weather and took the dog for a long walk along the track. The kids took the opportunity to vent some frustration and yell at the top of their voices how much they hate Derbyshire. To put this in context, the middle two had a chat with some old friends on the phone that morning. I guess this rakes up some feelings of displacement.

In the afternoon we (nearly) all contributed to making a good ol' Victoria Sponge - which we ate with jam and custard. Which was nice.

Stormy weather ...

And the rain, rain, rain came down, down, down
In rushing, rising rivlets ...
[I have to stop here for Copyright reaons. Bloody Disney - I'm sure A. A. Milne wouldn't have minded.]

Pah. Overcast, indeed. They weather soothsayers know nowt. Just as well I come prepared, with waterproofs 'n all - else I'd get rather damp on the bypass [and that's the last place you wanna get damp. Boom , boom. ;^) ]

I had a weekend away last weekend and I already need a holiday ... :^(

Grump, grump; moan, moan. Talking of which, I've got'em on DVD - that Rick Wakeman and Arthur Smith an' all. Must go watch it, Mebbe it'll make me feel better.

In the morning ...

We started this morning with the most impressive 3-year-old stop I have yet seen. A full-blown, screaming, floor stamping, wall hitting tantrum. We have a policy of not rewarding such behaviour with any attention, so it escalated into shouting "I HATE You Mummy!". This was also ignored, so was followed by "Did you hear me, MUMMY! I HATE You!". I love children. In fact he's a lovely and loving child (except, perhaps, when denied a "Crunch Corner" for breakfast). I do, however, wish I'd had my video camera to hand so I could post it here.

Right now it's unseasonally warm and Richard Hammond is fighting for his life in hospital .. which puts it into perspective, really.


... you know it’s gonna be alright

And they called it puppy love ...

Car seats. Boyfriends. Weekends away. Public Performances.

So this week sees the introduction of more stringent legal requirements regarding the provision of car seats for children. When I was a kid .. we had no seatbelts in the back. Yes, yes, I know that there are certain sections of society which have to be protected from themselves .. and I know that there are more cars going faster these days .. but do we all really have to be so controlled? If they're going to make these laws I would be happier if they were enforced. What's the point, for example, when every day I see many drivers yakking on their mobile phones, weaving about on the road. I guarantee that parents will be victimised for failing to adhere to a confusing law, and business types will continue to cause a danger and flout a simple one.

Last week introduced a new phenomenon into our household. Boyfriends. Well, boyfriend singular actually. No, sorry, the daughter in question says "just a friend .. who's a boy". Rather scary either way. I mustn't grumble, though - we wanted them to fit in and make friends. (Talking of which, number one son returned from an evening out toasting "twizlers" with the Scouts full of glee, and could at least name all the kids in his patrol.)

Meanwhile, the Mrs and I somehow managed to wangle a weekend away. Without children. There is a life out there ... and we lived a little of it. It was lovely. We mooched round museums and stuff and popped into the occasional pub for a "quick drink". Anyone into art, and the likes of Picasso and Chagall would've liked an exibition by Matt Lamb.

Last night I made my debut performing a warm-up spot at my local folk club, supporting Mick Ryan and Pete Harris. I say debut: I've gigged for years in bands and doing the odd song or two, but never a "proper" solo spot before. I don't think I embarrassed myself - though I did make a few mistakes (experience is a wonderful thing .. it's amazing what you can cover up if you keep going). Fame and fortune here I come ... OK, perhaps not.

Ends.

When I get older ...

... losing my hair

It's not every day you're 41. Not a particularly momentous age, I suppose, but I'm reasonably up-beat about it. More so than 40, anyhoo.

I don't hate birthdays. I know people who do. I sort of enjoy them .. though I don't like to make too much of a fuss about them. My family make sure my day is a happy one - though having them being nice to me all day is a bit wierd.

I would insert the song "Happy Birthday" at this point, but given recent legal action against so-called CopyrightPirates^TM, I won't.

Meanwhile, this explains it all. 'Nuff said.

Many years from now ...

Wake me up before you go-go

Another academic year starts, and this time we're actually part of it. We've been home-educating for a little less than two years, but it seems like a very long time ago that our kids went to school. Emma spent last night "getting ready for school" (picking her outfit, listening to her music and chatting online with mates - situation normal). I assume she got to school on time ...

Today the kids have been taking the initiative a little and deciding what they want to explorer / learn about. It's gratifying that this is begining to happen as it's one of the biggest leaps of faith with home educating. I have believed for many years that leadership is about facilitating, rather than forcing .. by which I mean that the leader's job is to create the right environment for the right things to happen - as opposed to imposing their ideas on everyone. This applies as much to "teaching" as to management. It's a shame that the necessary trust for this to happen effectively is so rarely given.

Meanwhile, I'm eagerly awaiting the return of Danger Mouse to the Beeb. Hurrah! I can still remember the rather shoddy ZX Spectrum game ...

Well, I thought my pickin' would set 'em on fire ...

But nobody wanted to hire a guitar man

Now this hits a bum note: the MPA mafia has started directing its evil machinations at the hapless guitar tab sites. Can these people not see that they are stifling the creativity of our youth? It's the kids who sit at home copying their heroes who grow up to be tomorrow's performers. Well-known sites such as olga.net and guitartabs.cc have already fallen prey to the money-grabbing fun-suckers.

Somebody please explain to them that by reducing the number of people who can pursue an interest in music, they are ultimately doing themselves out of a job. The real problem with the music industry is too many middle-men are making too much money out of it.

FWIW, I recommend the WayBackMachine as a temporary solution.

No Problem

It was suggested recently, that this song (written by me some years ago) is no longer relevent. It was written in a time of recession and I guess the sentiments - though replaced by new woes - are not strictly apropos any more. I therefore commend it to the archives, and here for your entertainment.

No Problem Raymond Lesley All across the land, shops are closing People out of work - what is going on? Busses running late, people have to drive Trains are breaking down - soon won't run at all But I say ... ... there's no problem The politicians told me so (they said) We're turning the corner It'll be OK Sex is dangerous, there's a virus everywhere Dope's against the law - what do we do now? So turn that music down, get your hair cut boy There's no fun no more - buddy, pass that gun But he says ... ... there's no problem The politicians told him so (they said) We're turning the corner It'll be OK Mysteries abound, like crop circles There's a UFO - flying round my house Where do Bic pens go, and plectrums? Does your chewing gum lose its flavour on the bedpost overnight? ... there's no problem The politicians told me so (they said) We're turning the corner It'll be OK It'll be OK

PS: I have had to make one of these lines up, as I can't remember the original.

It's cold outside ...

... There's no kind of atmosphere

So Pluto is no longer officially a planet. Hats off to Wikipedia for having their page updated within hours of the decision. Yah-boo sucks to the lead scientist on NASA's robotic mission to Pluto who has "lambasted the ruling", calling it "embarrassing". Only for you, mate. Call it what you like, it's still a bloody great lump of rock some billions of miles^* from the Sun - and indeed the Earth - and I'm never likely to go there.

Meanwhile, I can drink my tea, safe in the knowledge that it's good for me. Official. I can't help the nagging suspicion that this research might have been funded by the Tea Council or somesuch. It does gloss over the fact that tea contains tannin and caffeine.

I found this rather fine description of how to control the amount of tannin - and therefore the relaxing effect - in your cup of tea:

How strong is a cup of tea? Some people drink a cup of tea to go to sleep, others to keep awake. Some drink tea to calm their nerves, others for a lift. How can the same beverage possess such opposing qualities? Precisely because tea -- unlike coffee -- can produce both these effects upon the body, it is viewed as a wonder drink.
Tea and coffee both contain the stimulating substance caffeine, but only tea contains both caffeine and tannin. The presence of these chemical compounds together in tea leaves allows tea to act as a calming or exciting agent.

Here is how it works. Once boiling water is poured onto tea leaves, in the first two minutes all the caffeine in the leaves is drawn out. At this point tea is at its most stimulating. Only during the next minute win tannin gradually be drawn out of the tea leaves. This will not only cancel out the effects of the caffeine but after five minutes will actually make a relaxing, calming tea.

Well there you go. I'm off to the kitchen ...

^* or Kilometers, if you prefer .. it's still a very long way

Goodbye Blackberry Way ...*

Quick! Fetch the punnet! No, not the pun net .. the punnet^†! The bumper crop of excellent blackberries ain't going to last long in this weather!

The point, if it's possible to extract one amongst all this punctuation, is that the track from round t'corner across the neighbouring farmland is lined with blackberry bushes groaning under the weight of an impressive harvest-in-waiting. The kids love it. Yesterday after work - when we were walking the dog - they gathered two great handfulls each and ended up smeared in reddish juice and full of fresh fruit. We keep meaning to make a backberry-and-apple-crumble, but haven't quite managed it - yet.

... Sure to want me back another day

^* well, not exactly goodbye .. but it's the only song I could think of with "blackberry" in. Yes, I know Google would have found me "Blackberry" by the Black Crowes, but I didn't think of that one .. which is a pity 'cos that fits the post better.

^† what? it's a perfectly good word for the purpose .. though I can't find its etymology right now. Go read a dictionary. Then tell me.

Fly me to the moon ...

We enjoyed a long weekend. No work, all play. Very enjoyable it was, too.

Firstly, there was the Heights of Abraham. A cable-car thingy takes you up to a rather impressive peak, with assorted fun at the top - including a falconry display, a cave-cum-lead -mine and a cup of tea.

We also finally got to visit the National Space Centre, which I'd recommend to anyone above the age of perhaps 3. Our youngest is 3; he did enjoy some parts of it but most were above his head - though he didn't get bored.

Finally, having deposited eldest daughter and friend at Alton Towers, we explored Dovedale. I have also recently replaced my lost digital video camera gadget, so this gives me the ideal excuse to post a piccy, too:

Yes, yes, we're shameless tourists - but the sun came out and it wasn't that busy .. so we crossed about 5 times in all. Not one toe in the water - which I think is pretty good going. To be honest, it's fairly easy for someone with an adult stride - but a bit more tricky for a 3-year-old [which is why I've got a slight backache this morning ;^) ].

Hi fiddle-de-de ...

... an actor's life for me!

Well, all-round entertainer perhaps. That doesn't really scan. But I'm digressing: I timidly joined in down t'pub a couple of nights ago to see what the local folk club does of a Tuesday. Seems they sit around singing and stuff. I might go again ...

There seems to be a hotspot of thespian - nay performing arts - societies round our way. In fact, we're considering joining one. This evening's entertainment will be ... down the pub with a local theatrical society. I'll let you know how we get on.

"This weather, eh?" "Pfff - blimey!"
Yup, it's media silly season again. Only The Register seems to be capable of anything interesting to read recently. I do like the little dig at the fabled absence of irony from the US dictionary in their article on "Idioms wilting in the heat". Perhaps their suggestion on "The colour of irony" should be tabled at the W3C.

That's quite enough linkage for one post. Break a leg ...

There's a voice that keeps on calling me ...

Just had an IM chat with an old colleague - and I'd like to think a friend. He's currently in Bogotá, Colombia. Isn't technology wonderful? Memo to me: must get Skype.

Reminded me of an Irish blessing, which I'm rather fond of:

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face;
the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,
may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

A wonderful sentiment - and well put.

Down the road, that's where I'll always be ...