Christ on a Bike .. it's the 12 Days of Kitschmas!

I do love a bit of kitsch .. in the right context. Being a child of the seventies, a bit of G-Plan furtinure and a shag-pile carpet always raises a wry smile.

So it is with great pleasure that I was introduced to the Ship of Fools' 12 Days of Kitschmas. I hasten to add that I'm not recommending any of these as anything other than something to laugh at ...

Quasi Universal Intergalactic Deminonation

Go on .. lend us a quid.

"None of the existing payment systems we use on earth - like cash, credit or debit cards - could be used in space," said Professor George Fraser from the University of Leicester.

"Anything with sharp edges, like coins, would be a risk to astronauts while the chips and magnetic strips used in our cards on Earth would be damaged beyond repair by cosmic radiation," he added.

... 'nuff said

A Work of Genius

I am humbled. Ronnie Hazlehurst was a popular composer of TV music, I know. What I've just read though has brought a huge grin to my face.

The theme tune to "Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em" spells out the title in morse code. No, really. A rumour was referred to in his obituary. Some bod (Jim) at BBC 6 Music has decoded it to prove it.

Now I know the theme to Inspector Morse did the same thing. But I reckon it's worth celebrating all the same.

Silly: probably. Fun: yes. Unique: well, no. Genius: definitely.

Rest in peace, Ronnie.

A little BATty

For those who don't know, Belper Against Tesco Store is a group set up to oppose the planned Tesco Store [the clue's in the name]. The proposal has cause much controvery - as such proposals do.

Now every action, it has been said, has an equal and opposite reaction. I was amused, then, to see the recent poster campaign around Belper.

A new protest group against a Tesco superstore in Belper has been putting sarcastic posters up all over town. The group's name TABS, Tesco Against Belper Shops, is a play on BATS protest group Belper Against Tesco Superstore.

The poster is advertising a family day trip this Sunday (September 9) to Tesco's store in Alfreton.

It says: "The aim of the trip is to show Belper people what they could have built on some scrubby waste ground, just far enough away from the town centre so people will never have to walk up King Street again."

A spokesman for BATS, the group that is protesting the Meadows Edge site development, said TABS are nothing to do with them.

Whether you are for or against superstores - and specifically this one - you gotta love the noble art of parody.

News Gems #1:

The First Rule of Design ... build yourself a way out.

I came across this wonderful piece of all too public humiliation this weekend: "Farmer gest lost in his crop maze".

"He spent several minutes trying to find his way out of the five-acre maze before being forced to drive over his carefully tended crop."

You couldn't make it up! [Did they spell "crop" correctly?]

News Stories You Wish Were True: #1

Bernie Ecclestone admits: ‘Podium Champagne is just Cava in a fancy bottle’

I do so hope so. Champagne is so overrated. Maybe I'm ill-educated, but I can't help thinking that a decent Cava is preferable.

And, if it is *so* special - why waste it? Would you pay fifty-quid a time for a shampoo? Oh. Ignoring the Women for a moment, then. But you know what I mean. Do they have food-fights with beluga caviar? They do? I give up.

Pensioner used live shell as doorstop

I love stories like this:

"Royal Navy bomb disposal experts were called to a house in Paignton, Devon, after a tip-off that 68-year-old Thelma Bonnett was rather ill-advisedly using a live First World War German shell as a doorstop ..."

Lies, Damn lies .. and surveys

Notice on a station platform:

Passengers travelling on the Derwent Valley List train service were surveyed on 9 days between 29 September and 26 October 2007.

Now, I've always suspected that survey figures were played with to show the "right" information, but this takes the biscuit!

I love to laugh ...

... loud and long and clear

And ........ another week goes by. STOP! Too fast! (or else I'm getting too crumbly - make up your own mind).

I found this today. Made me laugh out loud 'til the tears rolled down. P'raps I'm getting a little hysterical, too. I particularly like:

chromatic abberation : wearing brown shoes with a blue suit

circlular reasoning : see reasoning, circular

.. and, of course

reasoning, circular : see circular reasoning


Must go lie down in a dark room ...

Robin Hood, Robin Hood, Riding through the ...

... city on my bike all day, 'cos the filth took away my licence ...^†

Sorry: it just struck me as funny.


I'll get my coat ...

^† new, improved and now with correct lyrics!